The Biggest Communication Problem: We Listen To Reply, Not To Understand.

The Biggest Communication Problem:

“We Listen to Reply, Not to Understand.”

When you listen to understand, you build trust and greatly improve your chances of getting the outcome you want. Learn the simple steps to active and reflective listening and you will understand and be respected. People will open up and your ability to influence and lead will dramatically improve. 

Do you ever wonder why people don’t get your message or go on the defensive? Do they get frustrated or angry? Do they stop talking? Do they stop listening? Do they avoid you? Do they keep doing what you want them to stop?

The Biggest Communication Problem: We Listen to Reply, Not to Understand.

Don’t let yourself get caught up in this common habit. Learn active listening  and make it one of your communications habits. 

Have you ever felt like someone’s not listening to you? How do you respond?

Do you close up? Do you raise your voice? Do you get caught up in your internal chatter and say to yourself, I give up? 

Try this . Listen first using these 8 steps. Make sure you understand them. After listening actively and reflectively relate your experience to the situatin following the guidelines I’ll give you after I give you the listening steps.

If you’re a leader, it’s important to be good at active listening. If you are in a relationship that matters to you, active listening is key.   

What are 8 steps for effective active listening?

1. Initiate contact.
2. Snap on. Paying attention by using eye contact and nodding as a sign that you understand.
3. Smile, open up and relax. Body language is copied.
4. Observing the speaker's body language and the types of words he or she is using. Look for nervous gestures.
5. Avoiding the temptation to prepare a rebuttal or allow your mind to wander.
6. Allowing the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
7. Go the extra mile. Use reflective listening. Clarify. Ask about their HIP. Validate them. Use paraphrasing, parroting or mirroring.
8. Respond openly, honestly and respectfully.

Do you like to feel understood? Yes or Yes?

So does everybody else.

1.      Validate the other person first then seek validation for your processes.  

2.      Validate yourself in your response. Share your HIP. Relate what you saw and heard, what your thoughts and feelings are in relation. Then state your intentions .

3.      Go back and forth getting clear on each other’s HIP.

Avoid the biggest communication problem and listen to understand not to hear. Build Stephen Covey’s success habit into your character, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Enjoy successful communicating. Enjoy the reduced stress and confidence. Cheers.

Mike